Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
