he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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