i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
