I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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