I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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