i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
