Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just found puke in my bra..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
