i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
