We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
