the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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