dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
