____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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