when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
two words...techno handjob
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
