we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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