I got her a Nickelback box set.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
