We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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