and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This is my gift to your gina
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
