I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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