so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
