also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
