i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
