Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
