My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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