I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
