Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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