Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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