I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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