im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
