I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
