I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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