4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
