you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
