On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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