I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
