You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
