I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
