So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
