Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
birth control should be required to get into college
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize