From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The uberlube is also flammable
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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