I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
