Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
