Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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