Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
