Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
