GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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