my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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