I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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