I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
