took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
