Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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