how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
