You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
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