This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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