someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
