She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
