I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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