So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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