Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
