You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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