this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
