So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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