I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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