I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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