Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
