Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
