so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
