I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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