he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
last night I used snow as a chaser
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
