guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I bet he comes in French.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
