I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
