talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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